I'm so happy right now. We'll start with that. I'm happy. It's taken me a lot to realize that, to be quite honest. This past week or so has been pretty rough, for a plethora of reasons which I won't get into right now, but I realized this morning that I am genuinely happy with my life. All of the things that have been keeping me down are, in the grand scheme of things, so insignificant. Like, really. Looking back at how upset I was, I'll admit that I was being ridiculous. Now, I'm not discounting my emotions, because I believe (thanks to my mom) that every emotion we feel should be recognized as true and real because, well, it's ours. We own it, it came from us. Nothing we ever feel is "wrong." However, I do believe that how we deal with these emotions is huge.
And I was not dealing with mine well. At all. It took a bit of soul searching (and some really good friends) to make me realize that I am so tremendously blessed. I'm at an amazing school that has so much to offer me academically and socially; I'm growing here. I have friends, both new ones here and old ones back home, that love me and appreciate me. The friends I've made here have been crucial in this past week, and I love them all so much for that. I've found a group of singers and friends that have taken me in with open arms. I legitimately love them with a passion that I didn't realize was possible after only knowing them for two months. But it's happened. My mom has been so great through all of this (homesickness especially) and has made me realize how much A) I miss her and want to go home! and B) I can be content here, away from home. I'm allowed to grow and spread my wings and be okay with that!
So. I'll stop this now because I'm sure it's sounding mushy and cliche.
I really don't care because all of it is true!
So, to all of those things--those insignificant, unimportant, distracting things--I say goodbye. Thanks for the ride. Thanks for the laughs (not really). Thanks for allowing me to fall down hard enough to gain some perspective. In an odd way, you've been quite illuminating.
I'll end with a little poem that I'm sure many of you have read. However, it really has been speaking to me a lot lately, so I thought I'd share:
"Go placidly amid the noise and haste,"Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy."
