all's fair in love and war...maybe

I know many of you will read this post and say to yourselves, "He's eighteen, what can he possibly know about love?" Well. To you naysayers, I simply must say that I have been fortunate to know more than my share of love, and, to put it bluntly (and a tad bit cliche-ly), it's changed my life. Forever. I won't spend time drawing out the details of exactly what I'm talking about for several reasons, but I will say this. I know how it feels to love and to be loved, and I question daily which of the two I cherish the most. Ultimately, however, I made a decision, one which haunts me to this day and which, while I know it was the "right" one, I still question. I threw away that which I had been so blessed to have, and I hurt the one that I loved more than I think I'll ever possibly understand. Forgiveness and reconciliation have proven to be tricky things to conquer, things which we're still working out. There are days when I feel somewhat normal, when it seems like my life is moving on like I said it would...and then there are days when I just know I've made a huge mistake. To put it simply, I'm working on it, and it's most definitely a process. The thing that I fear the most is never regaining the trust of the one that used to trust me implicitly. Do I even deserve that trust? I'm not sure...
Okay, so I promise that this blog won't always be filled  with my melancholy thoughts on love, but. I felt the need to express them today and I hope you'll forgive me.

Until next time, here's a little something from an absolutely phenomenal new musical called "Next to Normal."

"Day after day,
Give me clouds, and rain and gray.
Give me pain, if that's what's real.
It's the price we pay to feel.
The price of love is loss,
But still we pay.
We love anyway.
And when the night has finally gone.
And when we see the new day dawn.
We'll wonder how we wandered for so long, so blind.
The wasted world we thought we knew,
The light will make it look brand new.
So let it
Shine, shine, shine.

Day after day ,
We'll find the will to find our way.
Knowing that the darkest skies will someday see the sun.
When our long night is done,
There will be light."